Sunday, March 29, 2009

Another Lesson Learned

I've undergone such a huge transformation as a person in a matter of months since that faithful day where the good Lord said, Merli it's time to reclaim your life again and get to know your worth as a woman. Funny I wouldn't have made the decision to do so I didn't think I wasn't working to my full potential but the divine intervention took place at what i thought was the worst possible time. Nevertheless as with most interruptions and hard times in my life, I cried asked why and bounced back because that's what I do and who I am. So here it is almost 3 months later and I've become so very preoccupied with the fact that I have no man to call my own, that I actually give it too many thought processes... too much if you ask me. Who cares right? Well the thing is that its obvious that I keep making the same mistake, that is compromising myself and not going with my gut feeling when it comes to what I know and what is directly in front of me. Case in point I'm friends (well I don't know if I want to be anymore at this point) with this guy which I attended college with. About a month and a half ago I decided that maybe it would make sense to start dating him since we were attracted to each other and we shared a host of great memories. Hell if it was great when we were just friends it would be even more awesome once we started dating. Problem is deep down inside I've always knew this, hence which is why I never thought to pursue any thing with him... he's not capable of keeping me happy. Not at all his fault but quite honestly he will always fall short because he's not fulfilled with his life goals as of yet. This is also the main reason why while we always knew chemistry was there I never thought to be interested in him romantically. So why with all that knowledge did I fall into the trap of thinking somehow with me in the equation that things would be easier or become clear on his end? The truth of the matter is I'm well on my way to fulfilling my goals and know where I want to be in life and have plans to make it happen. Seems like men in my age bracket don't have those same things going on at the moment or priorities in check. Nevertheless it seems in my moment of weakness my good sense escaped me and I thought that there was a chance that it would work... right now its not working at all. For the most part we've had two dates in two months...we've met twice to chill, our communication has been strictly text messaging, aim, and facebook for the most part. Well quite frankly I'm tired of those situations where communication is strictly those social mediums which can become very impersonal, and hard to understand and get to know someone. The moral of this story, its time that I lay down the law and follow it with no slaps on the wrist. The matter of fact of the situation is at this point in my life I'm not here for the games... I'm looking for great times, great conversation, and stimulating eye opening experiences that further my growth as a person. The cream of the pie would be if only I could be blessed with one great guy who can fulfill all those needs. That would be a great desert. Well what can you do right? Live, laugh, love and learn that's all

-Merli <3

2 comments:

Darkness said...

The right dude is out there for you, the key is to stop looking, cuz then you subconsciously make compromises you shouldn't. Take care of yourself, and shit'll fall in place. And I take issue with men your age not having they stuff together, I know plenty that do!

Lisa said...

I love, I love, I love this quote from what you wrote:

"Merli it's time to reclaim your life again and get to know your worth as a woman."

This is a struggle that so many of us face - and I certainly did!!

And I love that you are able to illustrate it so clearly. Your life is a light that will reassure and guide others.

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